Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
