My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
