Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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