Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
