Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
