$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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