I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
