i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
