i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
This toilet bowl is my home.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
