Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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