i wish there were pregnant emoticons
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
