I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
