he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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