i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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