i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
