Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
