you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
