his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
