Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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