Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i wish my penis had a tongue
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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