Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
