Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize