We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
