Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
