yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
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