I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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