i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
