Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
two words...techno handjob
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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