SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize