i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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