Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
