I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
