I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
