Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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