I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
