I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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