dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
