how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
