I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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