i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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