Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
