He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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