I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
