We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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