In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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