i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
