Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Randomize
