Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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