I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
