Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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