You made me cry and you don't even care
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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