I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize