ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
