he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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