toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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