3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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