My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
