So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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