Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
