what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
