maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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