i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
