if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize