I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
