it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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