I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
