i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
