Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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