i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
