she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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