u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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