booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
