Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
