The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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