i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
