I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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