Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
