Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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