I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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