At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
