I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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