is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
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