I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
