is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
