It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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