If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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