I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
This house was built for laser tag.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
