Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
