He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
