this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
