The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
