i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
