I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
