Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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