I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
