well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
