Say something about gay babies.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
