It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
